Recently the Church celebrated the Memorial of St. Francis de Sales, a Doctor of the Church (January 24). St. Francis was born into a noble and pious family in France in the second half of the 16^thcentury. He was given an outstanding education, in both France and Italy, and his family had prepared for him to enter into government service, when he surprised them by saying that he wanted to become a priest. After his ordination, he was sent to an area of France which had become mostly Calvinist, and he faced a lot of opposition and hostility, but his persistent gentleness eventually won over most people. It has been estimated that over 70,000 Calvinists returned to the Catholic Faith because of his preaching. In 1602 he was named the bishop of Geneva, where he ministered for 20 years. 

In addition to his pastoral work, he was renown for his writing. A sort of “Dear Abby” of his time, he wrote hundreds of letters addressing both theological and practical concerns of common workers to princes and kings. His most famous work, Introduction to the Devout Life, is still a spiritual classic. It is in that book that this never married Catholic bishop, devotes a chapter to married couples, and offers advice that is just as valuable today, as it was back in the 17^thcentury. Since we are finishing our message series, “The Secrets of Every Happy Family,” I though it would a good idea to share the wisdom of St. Francis de Sales, the Doctor of Charity.

St. Francis writes that a wife is like a precious pearl, and how a couple are united as bone of bone and flesh to flesh. He reminds husbands and wives that they are in it together, and they either win as a team or they will lose as a team. He says that when spouses forget about themselves and live for each other, both are made happier, and each loving sacrifice becomes a source of satisfaction. The first lesson that St. Francis teaches about marriage is for couples to simply take time to see each other again as if for the first time, and appreciate all the little ways they have grown together over the years.

In theIntroduction to the Devout Life, St. Francis uses three metaphors in advising couples about marital love and its effects. First, he notes that in carpentry, when two boards are properly glued together they will never break apart. In fact, the board itself will break before the glued seam does. Likewise, a husband and wife are “glued” to each other, so that the bond between them may be the strongest thing in the universe; outlasting even death. This makes one’s spouse the most important thing in their life, so that no other relationship, friendship, or work obligation should be allowed to take precedence.

The next metaphor that St. Francis used might be a bit dated, but back then it was still common, especially for the nobility, to have signet rings for sealing with wax letters with a person’s coat of arms. St. Francis says that the wedding rings represents a seal set on the heart. It is an image that the hearts of the spouse belongs to each other. As the wax would take the image engraved on the signet ring, so the spouses hearts change shape, take on the image of their beloved.

Finally St. Francis wrote that children enter into the love of the family and expands it. Love makes our hearts bigger, not only expanding to include love for the children, but even the love between husband and wife is expanded. While not every couple is blessed to have children, this principle still applies (and it is the 3^rdSecret we talked about). In whatever situation married couples are in, they can find a way to make their hearts bigger by loving those around them, and this gift to others makes the marriage even stronger.

St. Francis de Sales reminds us that marriage is meant to be sweet, and it only becomes bitter if we do not maintain it. So take the time to take a breath, and look at your spouse with new eyes, renewing the affection and sacrificial love that you first vowed on your wedding day, and ask your Heavenly Father to continue to bless your love and union.