This is the fourth week of our Lenten message series, “No Offense.” Thank you for joining us here at Resurrection Parish.
In the first week of this series we looked at three facts about offenses, which are the foundation of the entire series. First, offenses are inevitable. We cannot go through life without being offended by someone, nor offending others. Second, offenses are a trap if we allow them to take up so much of our time in being the victim instead of living our lives. Finally, we have a choice in how we respond to offenses.
Two weeks ago we talked about the importance of having a proper perspective when it comes to an offense. When we are offended we are tempted to make the hurt the only thing we see, but if we pull back and look at the larger picture, we know that God makes all things work together for our good.
Last week we looked at times when we are offended by the truth. To be successful in life we must learn to receive the truth without being offended by it. If we do not receive honest feedback from others we greatly limit our personal potential for development and growth.
So, we have talked about offenses that are perceived and no harm was done. We have also discussed times we have been offended by the truth. However it is a whole different deal when we feel offended because we have been offended.
How can we just let it go? Sometimes we feel as if we have no choice but to hold onto the offense. We think that if we let go, then somehow we are justifying the offensive behavior and denying our own feelings.
The truth of the matter is that we do have a choice. There is a way forward. The action we are talking about is something that is core to Christianity. Every week in the Creed we profess to believe in it, but is so much easier to say it than to actually do it.
To help us out, we’re going to look briefly at St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. St. Paul writes: “You were dead in your transgressions and sins in which you use to live when you followed the ways of the world” (Ephesians 2:1-2).
Sin is an experience of death. It kills the spirit and life of the soul. Sin kills relationships with others. Sin kills our relationship with God. When we transgress God’s laws we don’t break his laws, we break ourselves.
St. Paul continues to describe our situation: “All of us lived gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts” (Ephesians 2:3). In other words, in doing whatever we want to do we also lived unmindful of God and his word.
This is our reality before God. We have offended God. God would be perfectly justified in responding to that offense with anger and wrath.
St. Paul tells us exactly what God does with offense; “But God who is rich in mercy, because of the great love he had for us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, brought us to life with Christ” (Ephesians 2:4-5). From anybody else we would expect a pay back, but it is different with God. When we offended, God didn’t pay us back, he brought us back. He brought us back to life.
Look at this, Paul writes, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God. It is not from works so no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9). Sin brings a kind of death. Grace brings life. Sin is our choice, grace is God’s gift.
St. Paul wants us to be very clear that we have nothing to do with getting into a right relationship with God. It is all God’s work.
When it comes to “getting into heaven” “being saved” however you want to refer to a right relationship with God here’s how it doesn’t work: God doesn’t add up all the good things you did and how many times you came to church and then subtract all the bad you did and all the Sundays you slept in instead and if the good outweighs the bad you’re in, and if the bad outweighs the good you get punished. That’s not God, that’s Santa Claus.
Certainly good work wins God’s favor and blessing and brings rewards. But it doesn’t bring salvation. St. Paul is clear: “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you, it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8).
Pay back for offenses is foolish and futile because it doesn’t really work. There might be some immediate gratification in it for us, but long term it hurts our hearts. The key to overcoming offense is to emulate God’s own pattern in dealing with us. God didn’t pay us back, he brought us back.
We read from the Gospel of John today one of the best-known verses in Scripture so iconic because it sort of sums things up: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life” (John 3:16).
If we are to ever really get over offenses, there’s really only one way to do it: we need to forgive others as God has forgiven us. Forgiveness is not saying it didn’t matter, it isn’t about trust or necessarily about rebuilding a relationship. Its not about holding someone accountable.
Forgiveness is simply canceling a debt. That’s all it is.
So how do you forgive someone a debt?
First, name the debt. What did they take from you or what do they owe you? A happier childhood? A better marriage? Respect? Name whatever it is they took from you.
Second, you cancel the debt. The deeper the offense the more concrete you need to make this. You talk to an empty chair. You write a letter. You make up an invoice which you burn or rip up. This makes it real to you.
Third, forget the debt. When you hold onto an offense it takes up space in your heart. When you evict offense, invite the Lord into that place of your heart instead, to heal your heart, to bring you back to where you were before the offense.
We might have every right in the world to be offended. We can choose not to be.