Welcome to the fourth week of our message series, “Secrets of Every Happy Family.” Unhappy families are each unhappy in their own way, but happy families tend to share common characteristics. In this series we are looking at three principles that all happy families share. These are not the only characteristics of happy families, but they are three important ones.

The first “secret” of every happy family is that they respond to the messiness of family life. Over and over again in our families we are going to run up against the flaws and foibles of one another. Each time we do we have to choose whether we are going to accept and respond to those flaws with grace or not. Happy families consistently choose to accept the messiness with grace.

Happy families are also marked by mutual respect. This begins with a respect for the authority of God over family life, and then that must be reflected in the mutual respect that the spouses have for each other. This creates an environment in which the children can grow and learn.

The third secret of every happy family is that they serve a purpose beyond themselves. In generosity theyserve a greater mission and a higher purpose in their extended family, in their neighborhood, in their church, in the community, and for the culture.

For the past two weeks we have looked at the two most important roles in the family: fathers and mothers. We discussed how it is the dad’s primary role to bless their children and give them his approval as they gointo the world. Last week we saw how happy, successful families are characterized by moms who understand and accept their role as one of preparing their children for release into world.

All of us want to see everyone in our family happy, and yet we often experience the opposite. There is a gap. Parents find themselves losing their patience with their children, perhaps even saying things that they don’t mean. Children want to honor and obey their parents, but find themselves disrespecting and disobeying them instead. Often we do not love our family as we want to love them.

The love we feel from family bonds is usually called affection, and it is distinguished from other kinds of love. Affection is the love we have for family and friends. It is an emotional connection marked by fondness at many levels. Affection is great, but it is not enough to create a happy family.

Affection can fills us with warm and wonderful feelings toward family members, but it does not give us the power to be patient with them. Affection can make us want to enjoy and engage with family members, but it does not give the ability to actually do it. If affection were enough, no marriage would end in divorce. If affection were enough, every parent-child relationship would be healthy.

A successful, happy family needs more than affection. A happy family also needs grace. Grace is an unmerited gift. It is a help from God that we cannot earn, we cannot buy, and we do not deserve. God’s grace is a gift that can transform and change us and bring simple, practical help like patience and understanding and flexibility with one another.

It is grace that allows people to get beyond their own self-centeredness and selfishness so that they can actually start serving one another. Grace is like the fuel we need to love one another beyond the capacity that affection brings us. Just like we have to stop driving and fill our gas tanks or ultimately we will not get to our destination, we also need to slow ourselves down on a regular basis in terms of family life so that God can fill us up with His grace to love one another the way we want to love one another.

I want to mention two key ways that we can position ourselves and our families to receive God grace. The first comes from our first reading from the book of Nehemiah. In the summer Nehemiah was one of the heroes we talked about. He was a pious Jew working in the court of the king of Persia. When he hears about the walls around Jerusalem remaining torn down and the city is in disrepair, he asks the king to allow him to go rebuild the walls. The kings allows him, and during the rebuilding project they discover the Book of the Law. In today’s reading, basically they have a big party, reading the Law to everyone assembled in the city. Nehemiah, and the priest Ezra, tell the people “Rejoicing in the Lord must be your strength.”

So the people listened to the word of God, but they were not just a passive audience. They engaged with their hearts in worship, praising and honoring God, which brought them joy. That is what we aim to do here each week at Mass. We listen to God’s Word, and hopefully make it applicable to our lives. With the music ministry we lift up our voices and our hearts to the Lord. We want the Mass to help you experience joy, and to provide strength for the rest of your week. But this takes commitment.

I’m not trying to criticize anyone, but if you only come to Mass once in a blue moon, or if you are disengaged while here, not paying attention, not singing, then it is not going to work for you and your family the way we are talking about.

For some of you, the commitment you need to make to strengthen your family and to build happiness is to make Mass a part of your regular routine; a part of your lifestyle choice.

The second way we can open ourselves up to this grace of God that could be so practical and so helpful to us is mentioned in today’s second reading. St. Paul says that when you are baptized, you become a part of Christ’s body, that is the Church. As members of Christ’s one body, the Church, we are connected to every other member of the Church. 

God gives grace and support through the body of believers, and small, faith-sharing groups are places where you can experience that specifically, where you can be supported in your role in the family. Over the past year, Rich Scanlon our Director of Evangelization & Faith Formation, has been developing our small group program. Currently he is leading the second “Hearts Afire” series entitled “Consoling the Heart of Jesus” on Tuesdays at 1 PM. Toward the middle of March he will start the third series called “The One Thing is Three.” You do not need to have attended the other series, and you are welcome to jump into the middle. If enough people tell him that they are interested, he is even willing to offer an evening session. Rich is also running a Bible study on the Gospel of Matthew on Mondays at 1 PM. This past week, the Holy Name Society started a series called “Kapaun’s Men” for the men of the parish. I hope to find a few women who would be interested in the “Courageous Women” series. Some women in the parish attend the “Women of Joy” group at Corpus Christi parish, while a few men in the parish go to “That Manis You” also at Corpus Christi.

The family is an imperfect reflection of God’s love. The very imperfections and our frustration with the imperfections point us to our desire for something more. That something more is our desire to be part of God’s family. God is building His family in the world, and we get to be part of that too. Right now, we practice for it in our own families.