I am sure that I am not shocking anyone reading this, but I do not have any children (and the Bishop is thankful for that). So, I am certainly not an expert on child rearing, but I do have eight nieces and nephews, and now one great-niece. I have seen the sometimes herculean task it is to get children ready to go to Mass. I recall my one niece who during the middle of Mass decided that she need to go to the restroom, and without waiting for her mother just went down the middle aisle, made a profound bow to the priest as he stood at the Altar, and then skipped back down the aisle and out into the hallway to go to the restroom. Now that niece has her own daughter that she has to coral for Mass.
Sometimes parents feel like they need to apologize to me for the behavior of their children. Most of the time it is not necessary. I don’t mind an infant trying to compete with me as I preach, or the occasional toy or zippy cup rolling down the aisle. I know that most parents are doing their best to help their children learn to pay attention, while also trying to get something out of the Mass themselves. And when a child starts to get particularly rambunctious, that is why we have the crying room; as a place to take a child who might be throwing a minor (or major) tantrum, to quiet them down while minimizing the disturbance to others at Mass.
Not long ago, however, I received a phone call from a father who had an unfortunate experience in our crying room. He was there with his noisy toddler. Nearly all the other people in the crying room were adults, and they “shushed” him and his son. This makes me sad to hear that something like that happened. We want to be welcoming to people who move into our parish, as this family just had, and especially to families with young children.
Let me state clearly: the Crying Room is for families with small children. It is NOT for adults without children. Ideally, no one should be staying in the crying room for the entire Mass. They should only go there when they need to quiet a child who is being particularly loud; and we should support parents who are bringing their children to Mass.
Recently I read an article, “5 Tips for Getting Through Sunday Services with Kids (Without Losing Your Mind).” Here is the link to read the whole article, which is also amusing; https://aleteia.org/2018/06/02/5-tips-for-getting-through-sunday-services-with-kids-without-losing-your-mind. Allow me to summarize their 5 tips:
Outfit Prep: lay out all your kids clothes for Mass the night before.
Pack your Bag: depending on their age, kids will need different things to make it through Mass. Infants will need a bottle, snacks, a change of clothes, etc. Toddlers need something that can keep them busy and quiet, such as crayons and a coloring book (NOT the hymn books). There are some Catholic coloring books, and Catholic family sites that offer a coloring sheet based on the weekend’s gospel.
Physical Fitness: being a parent is hard work. Make sure you get enough sleep the night before, eat a healthy breakfast, and keep fit.
Bathroom Breaks: don’t just ask your kids if they have to go to the bathroom before you leave for Mass; make them go.
Embrace the Chaos: kids are going to be kids. Babies are going to cry. Toddlers are going to want to splash in the Holy Water fount, and sometimes a book gets dropped (or thrown). Go to Mass anyway. Jesus sees you and appreciates your hard work. Yes, even you stuck in the bathroom with the baby who pooped in her tights. He sees that, too. So remember the miniature change of clothes and soldier on, my friend. Soldier on.