This is the third week of our Lenten series called “No Offense.” Thank you for joining us here at Resurrection Parish. As a foundation for our discussion, we have laid out three facts about offenses. First fact: Offenses are inevitable. Life affords us opportunities to be offended in every way every day. Second Fact: Offenses are a trap. Then are a trap that will handicap us and keep us from living up to our potential. Third fact: We have a choice about how we handle offenses. When tempted to harbor offenses, we can say no to the temptation and not allow offense to dwell in our hearts. And, if we allow an offense into our heart we can always get rid of it by doing what Jesus said, “Repent and believe in the Gospel” (Mark 1:15).
Today we want to take a look at being offended by something we would never want to admit we would be offended by, but, in fact, is something we are offended by all the time. We are going to look at being offended by the truth, especially as it comes to us in the form of feedback.
Nearly everybody would contend that they are open to honest feedback, but when they say honest feedback read glowing praise. Yet to be successful in life we got to learn to receive the truth without being offended by it.
We need honest feedback to grow because we all have blind spots. We may have the best of intentions, but the impact of our actions or reactions might have the opposite effect. If we can’t or won’t receive honest feedback we will never be able to adjust those actions and reactions to match your intentions. We will be ignorant of truths that would help us grow and be more successful. There is a cruel irony to this. The very things we love and care most about are the areas we aresometimes least likely to seek or accept feedback. If we never listen to the people around us eventually we will be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.
We see this perfectly played out in the Gospel of St. John. St. John writes: “Since the Passover of the Jews was near, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. He found in the area those who sold oxen, sheep, doves, as well as the moneychangers seated there” (John 2:13-14).
The profiteering was in large measure dishonest, as people were forced to fulfill religious obligations at the hands of shameless scam artists which is what these temple merchants and moneychangers were. The part of the temple where they operated was called the Porch of Solomon. It was the only place the Gentiles or non-Jewish people were allowed to worship. But they could not because of all the buying and selling. This part of the temple should have served as a symbol to all the nations of the world that they were welcome in God’s house.
So Jesus gives them some feedback: “He made a whip out of cords and drove them all out of the temple area with the sheep and the oxen and spilled the coins of the moneychangers and overturned their tables and to those who sold doves, he said, ‘Take these out of here, and stop making my Father’s house a marketplace’” (John 2:15-16).
Worse than the shady merchants themselves were the religious leaders who were behind the whole scheme, yielding huge profits. Nothing ever angered Jesus except the hypocrisy of the religious leaders, who, in turn, are extremely offended by his anger. So they said to him, “What sign can you show us to prove your authority to do this?” (John 2:18)
This is in an interesting response because the Old Testament prophets had already predicted that the Messiah would one day come into the Temple and cleanse it of the very corruption that they were responsible for. So they knew what they were doing was not right and would one day come to an end. And still they push back.
Jesus answered and said to them, “Destroy this temple and in three days I will rebuild it” (John 2:19). They have no idea what he’s talking about, thinking that he’s making the absurd claim that in just 3 days he could rebuild the temple which had taken 46 years to construct. He was, in fact, referring to the resurrection: I have authority to do what I am doing because I am the Son of God.
It was the Jewish religious leaders’ job to spot the Messiah but they were so offended by Jesus they crucified him instead. They missed what God was doing among them, they missed the very presence of God himself, because they were so offended by the truth.
It turns out, when we are offended by the truth, there is a lot we can miss out on. So here are a few action steps to take.
First, think of feedback as a present and not as punishment. Honest feedback is a gift that helps us to grow. To do this we need to separate the feedback from our identity. When we see feedback as a comment on who we are instead of what we do we are not looking at it the right way. No new insight or fact from another person can change our identity in Christ. Another way to see feedback as a present is to simply recognize that we are a works in progress. When we are feeling most offended, when we are most sensitive to feedback that’s exactly when we probably need it the most. It could be our greatest opportunity to grow.
Second, to lean into honest feedback, ask clarifying questions. Often the reason feedback does not always seem helpful is because its not always well presented. We have no control over how information is brought to us, but we can manage that information by asking questions, encouraging the other person to make their comments more helpful.
Lastly, give permission to someone or a few someones to give us honest feedback in a consistent way. When feedback comes from people we know and trust, it is easier not to be offended by it. The best way for you to receive honest feedback is by personal invitation. Arrange with them to provide the feedback at a time and in a setting that is helpful.
There is power to inviting and receiving honest feedback. If we humble ourselves
when it comes our way, we can identify the ways we need to grow. More than that, there’s a spiritual power to it. That humility is an open door to the grace God will give us to overcome those unpleasant truths and become the people we want to be.